Friday, May 22, 2009

The Hangover Movie

Thursday, January 15, 2009

May We Recommend Nyquil?

It's a wedding and we're all invited! Well, that is if you are a hanger on of Katy Perry and totally OK with her marrying a 12-year-old wax doll with committment issues. Anyway, we open to the Lesser Zooey pledging her goodies to a 7th grader with a fake tan...but before the happy ending can commence, Little Bobby has a change of heart and a distinctive Adam's apple which sparks Katy into a DANCING SINGING FRENZY!

(And this is why we have no interest in watching Mamma Mia.)

There is synchronized headbopping and Katy accusing her childgroom of being a "bitch" (that's harsh Katy! He's only 12! The other one may not have descended yet!) I also have to say that if you want to marry a guy, accusing him of not being good enough for you is not exactly going to get you any faster matrimonial bliss.

Naturally, BoyWunder makes a dash down the aisle with Katy in hot pursuit who then rips off the skirt of her Stephanie Seymour wedding gown to reveal romper? Seriously, how does one pee in that?

And come to think of it, how come there is always a guy in a hot dog costume in music videos?

Katy committs a minor felony by swiping a pink beach cruiser to chase down her shitty groom and then, we are suddenly kidnapped into an underground club...with Katy doing her best Diesel-sponsored Gwen Stefani impression. Oh, and that belt is not all that either, so can we stop cutting to it?

Finally, finally, the best part of the video comes up. No, probably second best: The bride zombies looking like coked out rejects from a Tim Burton audition swing bats around threateningly, only to dance a mad jig around WaxBoy which is rather anticlimactic. Also anticlimactic? the Nokia sponsored videophone message. It's pretty much the same bit of Katy smearing her own mascara, except with sponsorship!

Now, before we can get to the best part of the video, Katy and her comrades decide to swap their tattered wedding duds for some shiny 80s sporty spice gear. Also, there are Hammer pants. There's some poplocking and other music video staples, but what REALLY intrigues us the wind dude. We can only assume that during the course of the chase, Katy has decided that if marrying a teenager falls through, she can always default to becoming a used car salesman in gold lame booty shorts with matching eyeshadow and manic hula hoopers.

OK. NOW we are at the best part.

Before we all start having a free for all, let's just cut to the chase: Whut. Tha. Fuck.

Based on the general ending of the video, it's safe to assume that the childgroom is in fact, a child with either a vivid imagination, or KPee fed him some hallucinatory drugs before forcing him into a monkey suit. Either way, this video's plotline leaves us pondering the power of the zebras.

- Grace n' Kelley

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Obsessive Fangirls Scare Me A Lot.

It did not take a genius to figure out that the actor (Robert "Cedric Diggory" Pattinson) playing the lead in the Twilight movie would become ridiculously famous with enough fangirls to populate a planet (preferably one far, far away from him, if only for the screaming factor). But this post isn't so much about him or any other previous boy band or teen idol with Johnny Depp level status that pouted and pranced before him. It's this phenomenon of sheer fangirliness that has me completely bewildered--and dare I admit it? Completely transfixed.

Friends had sent me footage of these wretched Hot Topic signings which looked a great deal like a hybrid between the polar bear ice plunge exhibit at the San Diego Zoo and the arrival of a fine dignitary from overseas. A few exception though: for one, the Polar Bear Plunge is big enough to fit more than 25 people without inciting a riot amid poorly screened Korn t-shirts and tired frat-inspired boxers that promote beer funnels. And secondly, as much as I like a good-looking British boy and beer funnels as the next person, all this hoopla seems a wee bit premature especially considering that the movie hasn't even been released and the books uh, leave much to be desired.

Anyway. When I finally, FINALLY caught a news report from a recent stop in Boston, I was frankly dumbfounded by the sheer level of fangirl reactions. The screaming is expected. The crying? Um, sure. But here's where I am confused: These girls in these lines--and some of them are WOMEN WELL INTO THEIR TWENTIES AND THIRTIES--seem fairly smart without the distraction of some alluring bloke with questionable hygiene and no media filter (which is refreshing). Some of them attend college or teach school even (yes, I know). And so, you would think they would have enough sense not to want to be broadcast on their local news crying hysterically with mascara running down their faces in their broody black Twilight tshirts emblazoned with an airbrushed Edward's face on it, declaring that the one second that they spent in front of some poor kid was and forever will be "the best experience OF MY LIFE!" (BTW, that airbrush job looks nothing like the actor.)

Like, really? Isn't that just throwing the towel in a bit early? How about when you graduate from high school? Get your college degree? Or when you get married (if that's your thing)? Or discover the cure for cancer? Or go see Flaming Lips in concert? I'm just saying that before you write this off as the best experience of your life, you may want review the past 48 hrs leading up to it, i.e. camping out on a sidewalk in the frigid cold with about 2,000 fangirls all lusting after one guy (and trust me, your odds aren't looking too good if you're deluded into thinking that you may end up with him).

Ultimately, I just hope it's worth it for them. The only time I ever camped out for anything was my first year in college and my university was tapped to host the World for Peace conference (obviously, Clinton was still in office then). The Dalai Lama was scheduled to appear and give a speech, and my friend Alex and I along with many, many other students, camped out for tickets overnight. Was it worth it? Well sort of. On one hand, it was the Dalai Lama. On the other hand, no one understood a word he said during his entire speech although we're fairly sure it was positive and peaceful. Bonus sighting: A Beastie Boy (MCA!) was sitting a few rows down with his wife and then-baby.

In conclusion, I quote this anonymous comment left on Cleolinda's blog in regards to Pattinsons' sudden skyrocketing fanbase: "In 10 years, there will be a lot of embarrassed women."

P.S.: Pattinson has excellent taste in music, give or take a few weepy, emo picks (sorry, those probably appeal to the fangirls the most). I was quite surprised to see Terry Reid make it to his playlist who happens to be one of my favorite rock musicians thanks to my old Contemporary American Music professor (thanks Fred Maus!). Also equally pleased with Oscar Peterson, even though I didn't do very well in the seemingly gut class called Jazz Appreciation. (I still have the course material--it is a 5 CD boxed set, and I still listen to it 7 years later).

Friday, November 7, 2008

Best. Shit. Ever.

[ From Quoted4Truth ]

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Chewing On Unemployment...

Today, like a machine gun going off, I received four messages from four separate friends living in four different cities with the announcement that they were currently, devastatingly, heartbreakingly unemployed. (They were also working for four different companies in four very different industries).

And I think that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks: we are in deep, deep shit. As Wanda Sykes says, "We are deep, DEEP in debt. We are one paycheck away from moving back into Momma's house." When I sat and listened to Barack Obama's speech Tuesday night, it was full of hope and a promise of change with the warning of, "It's gonna take a LOT of hard work and it won't be overnight." And I reacted like, "Oh yeah, sure, I know, of course...!" without thinking about the real impact of what that means. But now I got a little taste of what it means. It means that my four friends who stayed at their jobs for 5+ years each are now facing unemployment and a total crap job market in the worst time of the year when budgets are spent and their severance package is lower than they hoped. It also means that people who have jobs right now are truly, incredibly lucky. It means shit is going to be really, really bad before it gets any better. Oh, and according to the news right now, it also means that California state tax is going to skyrocket to be above 10%. Awesome.

So here's my deal right now: No more spending on dumb shit. I'm going to start aggressively saving again, because this shit is fucking bananas, and at any moment, at any time, this whole thing could go to the crapper. Also, I need to get my act together and learn AS3 because dammit, if that's the one thing that's holding me back from getting this huge account, I am a dumbass for not doing it.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Enjoy Your Yeast Infection...?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Sound of A Yowling Cat

So, here's a little secret: EDubbz is a musician. She's also from Texas, but here's the best part...SHE SINGS WITH A BRITISH ACCENT. It's fucking crazy! I would totally put a link up, but she'd kill me, and I will see her tomorrow, so yeah. Anyway, why am I bringing this up? Because last night, I went with a friend to see an acoustic set of a few up-and-coming musicians. I had high expectations because she is an A&R person at Geffen, and you know...

Well. I was wrong. First of all, the guy who we happened to hear as we were walking in the venue was EDubbz opposite: he is British but I guess the spirit of Eddie Vedder (during the red wine glugging days) crossed with a bad recording of Robert Johnson enters his body the minute he starts warbling. He warbled about 80% of the time and then assaulted our eardrums 10% of the time with some really questionable falsetto runs that...WOW. Brutal. Garage doors probably opened around the club. And the last 10% would be him yammering on in his charming British accent about squirrels (or maybe he was saying "squirrely"?). Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm just too old for this shit, I've lost touch with what's popular, or maybe I just can't recognize great music because all these people came up to him after the set and demanded autographs and photos. My friend looked at me and winced and said, "Is it because he's hot?" To which I responded, "It's the accent. It has to be."

To be fair, I think it takes a lot of guts to get up on a stage and lay your work out for all to hear with guns blazing. So kudos to that guy for having the nuts to do it. But uh, leave the falsettos to the yowling cats and Mariah Carey. Please?