Dude. That is SO not Peter O'Toole.

Forget Grey's Anatomy. October Road takes the Twinkies, the Ho-Hos, and the Little Debbie snack cakes for being the most predictable storylines EVER.

Here's the thing that I've discovered is so awesome about this show: it has no continuity. Take for example, an episode of CSI. The plotline is pretty standard: Someone dies, the mighty CSI-ers (including the super hot and steamy Warrick Brown--swoon!) come and collect evidence and shit, Grissom busts out a few one-liners that David Caruso only wishes he could deliver without sounding like a jackass, the case gets solved in the last ten minutes, and the dead person gets justice, all thanks to Warrick Brown, Grissom, and Catherine Willows' artificially enhanced lips. Anyway. When you watch an episode of CSI, you pretty much know how the shit is going to unfold without really knowing all the technicalities.

Unfortunately, with October Road, the episodes that have aired so far have like 16 storylines going all at once. I'm not sure if it's because the writers are trying to "keep the audience in suspense" or the fact that they might get canned any minute now. But it's really ridiculous. For example: The Fried Chicken Fatty with the Whoremonkey Wife is all being sober and mooing about how he shoveled peanut icing on the kid whose medical history is apparently common knowledge....and then, in the span of 10 seconds, he goes off and attempts to whale on some frat boys because they felt up a pizza girl with bad hair extensions in her pigtails. Now, I'm not saying that he didn't have a motive to whale on some Sigma Chis (feeling up an Avril Lavigne posing pizza girl? Wrong. Just wrong.), but couldn't they just boot that plot to like the next episode or just...leave it on the cutting room floor? I mean, I understand the bigger picture--creepy hermit guy is too big of a pussy to go over there and throwdown blah blah blah, but I think we've already established that he's 1) creepy and not endearing; 2) hermitty and not in that brooding but cute art student loner guy way; and 3) reinforcing that with this pizza girl storyline is just telling us that he has no balls.

Oh October Road. You're a volatile mix of bland acting, bad storylines, and pretty people pretending not to be pretty. And yet? We still watch you. So play on, October Road, with your crazy storylines and weirdly timed arcs. And your shiny haired actresses and be-stubbled actors. And your awesomely bad lines that we love. Play on!