We're in the ditch next to October Road.

Thursday Night is TV Night at Sip + Fall. After the heavyweights (Ugly Betty, Greys Anatomy, CSI, etc) lumber off the screen, the networks trot out their fledgling shows hoping to catch the leftover TV viewer to build an audience and make more of them dollah dollah bills. There's an 80-20 chance that the show will tank and skulk off the radar (the Nine? What happened? Men in Trees? Was it Anne Heche?), and ABC's latest offering "October Road" doesn't disappoint those numbers. In fact, we liked how fantastically bad it is that we not only watch it...but we watch it TOGETHER. And we want to give it awards (because hell if it's ever going to win a Golden Globe. Or an Emmy. Or meet Ellen DeGeneres. Or have a special on Oprah after nine seasons wherein all of them will burst into tears and talk about how incredibly giving each cast member was when in reality everyone kept to their trailers and bitched about how a certain someone eats garlic before kissing scenes. Oh wait, that was Brenda and Dylan on 90210.)

The Line That Spawned a new vocabulary term to Be Used in Work-Related Conversation
"My last boyfriend predumped me 3 times before our first date." Predumped? It could work!

The Storyline That Spawned an insult to a Certain Grotty Coworker
The weird greasy guy who is boinking his friend's super hot wife. That shit would never happen. Well, maybe in middle America, in a small town, but don't hot people from middle American small towns move to New York or Los Angeles to try and get on America's Next Top Model?

Least Accurate Plot Point of the Episode
OK, the kid has a nut allergy and he shovels cake in his mouth that is loaded with peanut butter (like PEANUT BUTTER PIE!), and then starts losing his breath and having some kind of allergic reaction and he goes off and finds Nick who happens to be sucking face with the Hot But Dumb Student Who Can't Take A Hint...and yet, the kid is BACK to being in perfect health, hops on his little bike and travels to India and back before breaking into life-threatening hives. Way to go, Speed Racer! Don't allergic reactions happen relatively quickly? At least that's what one of my friends told me.

Most Accurate Plot Point of the Episode
The hot lawnmower guy who once had a guest spot with his less-hot brother in 7th Heaven (another show that is so awesomely bad that it's too painful to watch) ditching the Cute but Chubbed Barkeep. Sorry honey, but that man is 1) too hot to be straight and 2) obviously not in landscaping.

Most Well-Played Plot Device of the Episode
The kid being mauled by some drunken soccer mom while eerie emo music wails in the background with a choir. Crash observed shrewdly, "That kid is going to need blood and then we'll find out who the real baby daddy is." This kid is sooo going to be that town's Danielynn. And Nick? Is sooooo going to be Eddie Murphy (you know he fathered that scary Spice baby).

And finally, Best Insult to Paul Newman
We spent a weekend with a Frenchman named Seb who was obsessed with Paul Newman, and more importantly, with the movie Cool Hand Luke. How obsessed you ask? He paid the equivalent of 2,000 baguettes (plus tax) for an original poster to hang on his wall in Paris. Anyway. The point is that when Nick barges in on his dad trying to have a decent meal with his sistah girlfriend, he delivers what is quite possibly the most awesome line in the entire episode (and it's probably the most awesome line because well, the writers for this show didn't write it, the guy who wrote Cool Hand Luke wrote it): "Callin' it your job don't make it right, BOSS!" Oooh! Burn!

Since October Road isn't on next week, we'll take that valuable time to come up with a good drinking game. Like, every time Bryan Greenberg's stubble is perfectly groomed to a 5 o'clock shadow.