The Week from Hell: A Baker's Dozen of Conversations.

This past week started off good, especially because it was Memorial Day and all and there was no work to be had and no emails to answer (UNLESS YOU WORK WITH EUROPEANS, RAWR), and no long conference calls to be on the other end of. But miraculously, the week nosedived the minute the clock turned to 9 am on Tuesday morning. And while I'd like to pile all the negativity on my shoulders, it appears that everyone was in agreement: This past week, from Tuesday onwards, sucked. Hard.

Here's a sampling of choice conversations I had during the week with a variety of friends and coworkers:

Tuesday: "This day fucking blows. The server is slow and it takes half a fucking hour to download a fucking file, so I've been sitting at my desk eating cookies. I'm a fucking EMO EATER. Shut up."

Wednesday: "I cannot tell you how stoked I was to get such a long email from you while I am in China. I am desperate for contact with the outside world. Why are you getting so drunk by your computer, do tell."

Thursday: "I haven't slept in 3 days, I've gone to ballet every night this week, and I have peas strapped to my ass. Oh, and I'm working. AT 4 AM. Which just kicks ass."

Friday: "So I went on a date last night. And you know, three hours into a really nice dinner, the guy blurted out that he got together with his ex-wife. So if you don't show up at this bar tonight, I'm going to take it personally."

Saturday: "What am I doing? What am I DOING? I'm watching the fucking Starter Wife on USA, and eating a tub of ice cream and getting fat. That's what you do after you get fired from your job...No, no, after you get divorced, you get a bucket of fried chicken and a really bad haircut. There's a biiiig difference. Shit, I'd rather be a Starter Wife than unemployed."

Sunday: "I burned my eyebrows off when I was trying to light that grill."