Friday, March 30, 2007

It's okay to Brooklyn.

I've never lived in New York, and the last time I was there was about fifteen years ago for an audition that Will Never Be Brought Up Again So Don't Ask. I vaguely remember the stench of urine around subway stations. And I think I was still young enough to be scared of homeless people. Anyway. It has recently come to my attention that New York is a terrible place to date, which I find to be weird because well, there's a shitload of people there; and the city is 99.9% pedestrian (unlike LA where it's perfectly normal to drive a block and if you suggest otherwise, you will be shot dagger looks of death); and there's a bar or three on every corner. Also? Most people there are employed because it's ridiculously expensive.

But. I didn't realize the extent of how bad the dating scene is in New York until I received this lovely missive from a frustrated single friend who has been yearning to find the One (which could very well be the root of his problem): "I am not about to go fight some tranny over a girl who has a history of massive depression. Or am I?"

Brooklyn Ladies: Has it come down to picking trannies over lonely male New Yorkers with legit day jobs?


The Good, The Bad & The Queens.

Remember doing wordy math problems in junior high? Like: Katie has twenty bucks and wants to buy oranges. One orange cost 25 cents from the Mexican guy on the corner, and $1.10 at the Ralphs. If Katie has a Ralphs card, who can give her a better deal?

This is our Friday wordy math problem:
Steenks has 4 different stores. Within each store are 2 different sized containers. Sometimes, the same thing goes in both containers but they have to be different sizes to fit. At 10 am, Steenks had to change out the content in both containers in all four stores due to a hawkish manager. At 12:30 pm, Steenks was told to change the content back in both containers in all four stores due to testy clientele. If Steenks has to make a change at 2:30, what is the probability that the content will be the exact same as it was the day before?


5 Things.

Steenks sez:
1. I write sideways.
2. I secretly want to own one of those huge turtletop vans with the velvet seats and the minibar in the back. (they were popular in the 80s. shut up, you know you want one too).
3. I don't know how to fold a fitted bedsheet properly.
4. When i used to work in an office, I would wear headphones, but I would turn off the music sometimes to eavesdrop on the Mini Boss (it wasn't very interesting).
5. I recently discovered that I unwittingly went through a fierce navy-blue-pants phase because I just did laundry and there are about 8 pairs of navy blue pants sitting on my couch.

Crashlander sez:
1. I used to like legos until I saw a 35 yr old man playing with work.
2. I have a very specific way of how I eat cookies in the afternoon (around the edges and toward the center.) I also like to eat the shells of things first.
3. I have to watch Good Morning America first thing every morning (but that's a post September 11 thing).
4. When I drive to work and see cows on the side of the road, I smile. Cuz I'm looking at cows on the side of the road. And that's fuckin weird.
5. I like driving to work everyday until I make a right by the 76.